I guess it was your success.

And I guess you're expecting me to blog about this, that's why you're reading it right? I spent my whole afternoon visiting you. Yeah, just for you because I thought there would still be hope in fixing our friendship. So why do you act like that? an asshole, that's what you call it. You can't just say 'that's just me'. It's only you if you choose to be one. I was following you around trying to get you to look at me, and just talk to me openly. I know you're mad, so just let it out. Not like that, not like ignoring me, what the hell is ignoring me gonna do? And yeah, thanks for showing me your date. You know what's going on, and you still rub it in my face? And I was just telling her to buy the shirt, so you'd be happy. So you guys could match and have a good time. You turn around and yell at me like it was all my fault. I came there by MYSELF, and wished that it wouldn't rain. Usually, whenever I saw you, the rain always cleared up. Today, it was the exact opposite. I walked away from you, tired of the way you acted like I was your bitch. Don't you know I've been through enough shit? Why are you still putting more on me? Why the fuck would I go through all the trouble of getting rides to see you? Because I still care, not in that way. But you just don't get it. You just won't get out of your little world and open your eyes. If we can't be what you want, we could just be FRIENDS. There's nothing wrong with that. I HATE losing friends. I've lost so many already, and here you are, just another one of them. I turned around trying to tell you, that I really did come alone just to see you, and yeah you came back. Did you care that I was on the verge of crying? I don't even know. Your friends told me that's how you were, and here I was listening but trying so hard not to believe them. I thought we could just be like any other girl or guy. I thought we could actually be able to hangout without the feelings, so we could just have fun. Before, your spring fling was my way of making it up to you. Maybe I could've went and we could be friends afterwards, but I realized it wasn't worth the risk of you catching feelings again. I just couldn't do it. She was right, and the least I could do was to listen to her this once. I never did before, I admit it.

The whole time I was there, my heart was beating in anxiety. I was shaking, no joke. I even pulled out my homework in Crisann's class so I could focus on something else. And you know what? My schedule is hella packed, and I STILL spent that time. All you could care about is acting 'too cool' for me. Isn't that what it was before?

You could read this and not give a shit. Do whatever, I don't expect anything.

Everything here was written as straightforward as possible, so you don't have to 'decode' any girl talk. You're smart enough to understand. I hope you had fun with your guys. Happy Birthday Dereck or whoever.