Where did I go wrong?

So quick blog before I go to bed.
I can't study all of europe's countries and its capitals in one night.
It's just too much. So I gave up, I'll pass the quiz or something. idk.

Anyway, I felt like I needed some space today. Don't take me wrong, I love you guys and everything. Just.. didn't feel like hanging out with you. Maybe it was the fact that we were so close that made us fall apart? Like when you push something too far and in the end it just collapses. Hella wasted. I miss how it used to be. Our trust is broken, so we can never treat each other the same way. Why is my life like this? I took it back to middle school, and I realized how much alike it was. I remember being that one girl who was friends with all the guys, but had a weaker bond with the girls..

There were the few that stayed close, knowing that I liked to bounce around. It was weird though, they accepted me and everything. Maybe because it was private school. Nah, maybe because it was Challenger, and we all hated the school system, so the only thing we had left was each other. My mind started drifting off to the one person who meant the most to me--My bestfriend. Really, you were. My first love. I'd really like to believe you felt the same. I'm pretty sure you felt SOMETHING. How could we have gone through so much without it? You were the first one there for me when life got down. And you KNEW everytime I was down. From my parents to the principal. Your first girlfriend, and my first heartbreak. Of course, you didn't know that. I didn't want you to know. Our parents and THEIR hatred for each other. Lol, sneaking on the phone, knowing that we'd get in unimaginable trouble if our parents caught us. I think it was the seventh grade dance, that you were my date. Ha, and we almost go voted prince/princess. LMFAO. That was when you thought I was a weirdo. Eighth grade grad dance. Ohboy. You were TOO shy to ask me, and you were TOO stubborn to admit that I was gonna end up being your date anyway. It was like SET. ahaha, and VARUN had to step in just to get you to agree. Passing notes in history class? From one end to the other, through like 5 people just to get the note to me. Ahahahaha, wow. The old days. There was so much more, I can't even write it all out. Oh, and those hugs everyday. The last thing I expected to get before I went home, they meant the world to me at that time.

Last time I saw you, everything changed. What happened to the comfy chest I fell into everyday? It didn't feel right.
I guess we grew up.
But after reminiscing, I realized..all the things I've been through after you happened doesn't even matter anymore. All those tears over boys, and little fits over how hard life is. I wish you were the one I could be talking to. But nah, I found others who I could vent to. You'd never be replaced though. I'm sure. Just the old you, of course. What's the point of missing you? You won't come back. High school changed you. It changed me too. I've met new people, made new friends. So did you. Basketball's taken up a big part of your life, and I'm still the same nerd I used to be.

So I woke up this morning, looked in my planner, and scribbled out that name as much as I could. It just wouldn't go away. HE just wouldn't go away. I wanted to get away from people at school. Just recreate myself. But he showed up again. And it felt different. I can't really explain it, but yeah. I guess that's a good thing. Fantastic thing actually. I acted like a bitch. He started it though, whatever.

I'm such a confusing person.
And I'm glad you have enough patience to put up with me, or maybe it's just that you don't know the half of it. Idk, eventually. Sorry, for being so busy all the time. Sorry, you had to read that. It's just more of my life that maybe you should know about. It was a really big impact and yeah.