Regret.

I've been living the last couple weeks in regret, and pain. It's been bouncing back and forth between problems with the family, and problems with high school. I know I should be happy with what I have, because others in third world countries aren't as fortunate as I am. But there's a difference. I know there is. I just haven't figured it out yet. We live to please ourselves, our emotions. That's the only fcking reason I try so hard in school. I don't wanna feel like I'm useless and stupid. I wanna be the best person I can be. Be myself, show people I'm more than just a little girl who wants to have fun. There's more to a person than meets the eye. I've learned it the hard way, I've figured things out for myself, I've made mistakes. So many mistakes that I regret. I'm in the stage of looking for a bestfriend again, or just a friend that'll be by my side all the time. Idk, that sounds a bit clingy. Just someone I can tell everything too, and won't be judged for. I wish life wasn't so complicated, and I hate that I'm complaining so much right now, because things might get even worse later on. I feel like I'm not actually ever loved. By anyone. Maybe that's not true. But it's how aloof people are, about what they think that makes me want to try harder to be liked. So wtf..? It shouldn't be like this. I end up sad, and make things even worse. I miss the way things were when I was younger, when drama was just a crush breaking my heart. Those things don't even matter to me anymore. All those stupid tears feel so wasted.

I'm sorry if I hurt you.
I know you won't read this, but I'm trying my hardest.
I'm sorry I messed up.
I'm sorry life's so harsh right now.
I miss you.
I want our friendship back.